in september i found out a close friend of mine passed on.
well actually he killed himself, dont ask me how he did it or why he did it because i dont know.

Rick öpper was from i gathered in his mid 30's a young vibrant man who's sense of fairplay and courtesy changed me, before i met him on xboxlive in 2001 i was an angry hate filled man, i would call ppl a cunt just for the hell of it, my whole attatude was "fuck off or i will hurt you" type, when i met rick i was the same but over the course of a month or 2 i totally changed.

i went from a total bastard to being nice, his whole life was based around kindness and politeness, if you were in a racing game he would actually wait for you at the finish line before going over it, rick would do anything for anyone, BUT he was also a very private man, he dident tell anyone his real name,age, marital status or anything.

myself and all his friends worried about this type of bottling up emotion's, we dident know what was going on in his life RL or if he was working or terminally ill or incapible of taking care of himself.

between may 14th 2008 and may 20th 2008 rick died, i was told he killed himself but others say he died from other reasons.

what ever the reasons behind it i lost a close dear friend of mine and i dident even get a chance to say thank you to him.

but through this i did meet one of his closer friends on xboxlive and she was traumatized to what had happend, she explaned some things to me about rick but made me promise not to say anything to anyone except this,

"what you saw and heard with rick in game is what you got in real life"

in this day and age it is hard to find ppl like that, to have someone who is genuine in a game as well as RL.

if you have friends who you are close to...make sure you say thank you, goodbye, goodluck or even "take care of yourself" to them for being your friend, because if something happens to them and you dident say that you will feel like shit and have an emense weight of regret on your shoulders.

remember to tell your friends that you love em for being there for you, a little comment like that doesnt take long and can make a bond of friendship even stronger.


RIP Rick i miss you my friend

uber pwnage :P

I could survive for 1 minute, 38 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds Pedia

me still down coz me still feels like shit even tho i did talk to the ones i hurt i still feel bad about what i said
and on top of that a lotta bitching is going on between ma friends soooo its really got me down
i try n say some ideas but they dont listen there all like " yeah yeah uh huh yup yup" the whole in one ear out the other then they say the same shit i say but more ppl listen i dont wanna hurt any more ppl so me is only gunna appear to em when i feel okish

i did and said a few things last night and i hurt a lot of my friends n i dont know what am gunna do

~fap fap fap fap fap fap~ crap i forgot to close the door again